November 2024
I asked for guidance on how to save a rose from fading! Unfortunately, the water was not enough so the rose faded and died.
It was plucked too early. A destiny already planned, and faith alone is not enough to lift this heavy stone of loss from the heart. That needs a super strength supported by faith. Not to forget, but to endure and to stand up again.
My son, I labored tirelessly to bring you comfort, saving every penny as I had promised. I urged you to work hard and achieve an exceptional score, assuring you that I would pay whatever it took to send you beyond the gates of this hell. Though I detested the idea of paying bribes, I made an exception for you. I had vowed that you would travel.
A dear friend assured me that Amjad, the diligent student, would secure a scholarship. He poured his heart into his studies, day and night, and I worked with all effort to provide what I could. Just a few days ago, my friend Nasser Rabah said to me: “Amjad is excellent, there’s nothing to worry about”. Nasser, who had volunteered to tutor Amjad in biology, had full faith in him. Amjad completed his studies in biology and other subjects, and as we pursued the scholarship, God had another plan. A far greater scholarship awaited him in the heavens.
I lost my rose, the one I spent my life nurturing with love, care, and virtue. But I find solace in the belief that Amjad is now a rose in paradise. Not because he was my son, but because Amjad was very kind. He never uttered a bad word, lived a life of contentment, and never once disrespected me or his mother. Even during moments when I was frustrated or disagreed on certain issues, we used to solve through laughter and playfulness.
He would rise for night prayers, his voice resonating with a melodious tone, and we would pray Fajr (dawn prayer) together. When he led the prayer, I would tease him, saying: “Don’t make it too long; I’m an old man who gets tired standing, my son”. He would smile and reply: “You are young Baba, (father)”.
He would often say during any discussion: “Death will reach you, even if you are in fortified towers”. He immersed himself in understanding religion and memorized a significant portion of the Qur’an. He never attended formal Quranic lessons, nor needed anyone to guide him on the path of piety. He lived as a devout and faithful young man, his actions reflecting the purity of an innocent child. No one ever had a complaint against him. Throughout his life, he was a balm for the heart; a heart that now needs more than abundant faith to endure this loss with patience.
Over three decades ago, I received a rose as a gift… not figuratively, but a real rose. Over time, it dried, and I preserved it in a special envelope, keeping it with me to this very day. But my rose, Amjad, was a gift that lived with me for nearly two decades. Now, that rose has withered, and I have no envelope to preserve it. I have rooms in my heart instead my son. It is all yours as long as I live.
Forgive me, my rose, if I fell short. My helplessness, and that of fathers like me, is neither selfish nor individual; it is a burden far too heavy for hearts to endure. If my prayers are insufficient, and if I am not as righteous as I aspire to be, my heart remains certain that there is no barrier between you and God.
I’m afraid to say you will not be questioned for any sin, for I know you, but I cannot claim perfection on your behalf before God. You, my son, are our intercessor. Do not forget us, your mother and I. Visit us in our dreams and grace us with your radiant smile, the one that always lit up your face. That bright face even though your body has been laid to rest now. By God, my son, I am certain in my heart that your grave tonight shines and illuminates all around it.
Goodbye, my rose of the soul. You were plucked too soon!
Goodbye.
Shojaa Al-Safadi
November 14, 2024
